Ice T Made The Worst Vampire Movie Ever
Ok, here we go! We’re going to take a quick minute to look at what may very well be the absolute worst vampire themed film in cinematic history. Aside from that, it might just be the worst film of 2017. You know what, I’m actually gonna call it. This is going to be the worst movie of the year, and we’re only 3 months in. So let’s make something clear, this isn’t a “so bad it’s good” movie as it will never be Trolls 2 or The Room. This is just bad. This is from top to bottom, beginning to end, six ways from Sunday, bad. Don’t watch it and don’t spend your hard earned money on it. If someone wants you to watch it, make sure you end up charging them for wasting your time and take payment in advance.
The movie in question is called “Bloodrunners”. This is an action crime horror film directed by Dan Lantz with the screenplay written by himself and Michael McFadden. Let’s start with the director Mr. Lantz. He’s made a career out of making bad films. Ever heard of Ninja Babies From Space? How about Bloodlust Zombies? So, who in their right mind is financing these films? And who is buying the distribution rights? Who is their audience? Next up, we’ve got the other co-writer, Mr. McFadden, who by trade is nothing but a background actor and this is actually his first produced script, so could we really expect it to have been any good? McFadden is actually second billed in the cast and based on the trailer, he clearly has a big hand in the film.
So what’s the idea behind Bloodrunners? It’s a period piece set in the prohibition era of the 1930’s. The story of Bloodrunners follows a shady cop who uncovers that a town’s popular speakeasy has been infiltrated by a sect of vampires. Dun. Dun. Dun. The film was produced on an insanely small budget of $180,000 and has a run time of 1 hour and 35 minutes (but it feels like 7 days).
On the film’s IMDB, it states that the movie was filmed in digital 4k and was output at 16:9 ultra HD. But as most are aware, cellphones shoot 4k now and you would be hard pressed trying to convince me that they didn’t shoot this on a cellphone or a DSLR camera you can easily get at BestBuy. Not that those factors guarantee you’ll make a visually unappealing film. In the right hands, it doesn’t matter what you shoot your film on, the only thing that matters is that you know how to use your gear. And seeing as the film’s cinematographer is… drum roll… Dan Lantz, I’m not surprised how it turned out. There’s bad framing, lazy lighting – it’s amature-ish and unrefined.
I wonder how in the hell they roped Ice T into this. How much of the 180k budget went right into his pocket? If let’s say, 100k went to pay for his services, this might give the “filmmakers” an excuse as to why the rest of the film turned out so bad. The remainder went into getting some period specific cars, wardrobe, and for renting out what looks like a pioneer village. The performances by all (including Ice T) were lackluster, wooden, and more or less felt phoned in. No, scratch that, not even phoned in, more like a can and a string. Just freaking telegraphed.
Along with the bad dialogue, clinched overall narrative and shotty subplots, the movie is downright unbearable and should come with a badge of honor for those who manage to make it all the way through the film. It doesn’t even feel like a movie, it’s like a bad play was recorded at a community theater. I can’t stress enough how bad the dialogue is – you have to see this for yourself, but like I already said, you shouldn’t.